A student from Oregon asks:

I have been feeling very neutral about everything (people, work, general things) as if I am just existing and these things (people, work, things) just happen around me. Is this normal? I first thought that I was falling sick and this was a reaction to that but so far I have not fallen sick and the neutral feeling has not gone away. Do you have any thoughts about this?

This question comes from a student who is practicing every day without fail. The same question coming from a non-practitioner would, perhaps, receive a different answer.

Our habitual emotional reactions to life are effortfully whipped up dramas. We are in a nearly constant state of hysterical attachment.

Our hysteria derives from both fear and pleasure. First, we fear life’s openness, and we want to be in control of assigning meaningfulness to life.

For instance, “Oh my god! You won’t believe what happened!” This is a common way of introducing some drama about oneself or another person.

But in Reality, all arisings are equal. Nothing is unbelievable, unusual or out of line. Everything is perfectly fine.

Second, we overstate everything and derive pleasure from the energy of that. Our habitual emotions and reactions are like a stimulating drug.

When we begin to do regular spiritual practice, our conduct and energy begin to recalibrate. We come more into tune with the natural state.

The feeling of neutrality arises in contrast to our fading  hysteria. We can experience this well-known phenomenon in various ways: as neutrality, as numbness, as lack of interest and as boredom.

All along, we had been pumping up an artificial feeling of aliveness with all of our exaggerated emotions and reactions.

When we begin to relax that effort, we first feel tired and perhaps a bit bland. Then we begin to recover  the energy or shakti we had been wastefully pouring out.

If we keep going, we begin to notice a beautiful quality of spaciousness and relaxation. Natural liveliness comes into view. We begin to experience the relaxed, natural liveliness of everything, even space itself.

There is no more need for drama. Yet, we no longer feel numb. We come home to  quiet enjoyment.

In Ma’s love,
Shambhavi

Posted by Shambhavi on October 8th, 2009 | Explore More! Tags: enjoyment, Naturalness, Sadhana