“Struggling toward Surrender” was written by Jaya Kula student Lavinia Magliocco.
I used take pride in the tremendous effort I put into the things I cared about.
My effort came loaded with the desire to be noticed, admired and deemed worthy. Pride worked pretty well for me as a dancer. I used the anxious, wound-up-tight feeling to fuel more effort. I didn’t recognize what was happening because I was so used to it.
I felt resentment doing things I didn’t enjoy so much – dusting, washing dishes and paying bills – because they took time away from the things that supposedly mattered. I made crises out of “interruptions” – such as unexpected medical bills. Read On…