Transmission, Measuring Up, and Protecting Our Goodness

STUDENT 1
Can you talk about transmission?

SHAMBHAVI
So when you come to Satsang, do you feel any differently than you do when you're at the supermarket or you're just wandering around doing whatever you do normally?

STUDENT 1
Usually not in the mood, for Satsang. But I know, like, once it starts, I'll be happy I'm there.

SHAMBHAVI
Well, that's very interesting. Because I would say, who is resistant to Satsang?

Who is resistant? Or what is resistant? To diverting your attention from all of the ways that you have organized your energy, into these urgent patterns of doing?

Who or what is resisting turning away from that and going into a space where there is really no urgency or project or mission and just relaxing. So what or who is resisting that?

And then what or who, having applied a little effort to come to Satsang anyway, then feels happy to be here. So this is a really great thing for you to consider.

And then the fact that once you get here, you generally feel happier, or happy to be here, I would say, is an aspect of that relaxation of those other patterns. And that is an aspect of transmission. It is subtle. Much of the time. For many, many people.

So what I would say is, pay attention to the subtlety. Don't think, Oh, it's so subtle. It's not even worth it. It's a baby fish I'm gonna throw back into the river. [laughs] Pay attention to the subtlety.

Anyway, transmission is a word that is used in the direct realization traditions to talk about our experience of our real nature. It's an experience of something to do with our less conditioned nature.

Our nature if it were free of all of those bound patterns we call karma. And it happens or can happen in the presence of a certain kind of technology, or machine, we call the teacher, or the guru.

So when we are in the presence of someone who is more relaxed and who is more immersed in essence nature. Who has fewer constraints than we have. There's a kind of an alchemy that happens where we can have some kind of recognition of, or experience of, our own more enlightened nature.

And anything you experience that could be attributed to transmission, is your capacity. This is the most important thing.

So a lot of times, in fact most times, when teachers or lineages talk about transmission, or sell transmission, called shaktipat. They are talking about it in a way that really impoverishes people and does people no favors.

So they will talk about it as, you're getting transmission from the teacher, the teacher is giving you shaktipat. And that's where the emphasis is. And it's often framed as something that you can't get anywhere else.

Something for which you are dependent on an individual to get. Something that is special, unique, secret even, and therefore costs a lot of money to get, et cetera, et cetera, you get the picture.

This is all completely BS. Because, your real nature is everywhere. It's in every nook and cranny of all of reality. It's what reality is made of. Living presence is really what we're talking about.

And we have some natural obstacles to experiencing that. And the teacher is an appliance that this alive, aware reality has come up with to create various circumstances so that you're more likely to tune in and feel something.

But what you are feeling is you. Or what you are feeling is the you, the self. You already own it, fully. [laughs] You already are it 100%. It's just that you've forgotten that.

So the teacher is actually not giving you, anything. And you are not impoverished. If you feel you're not sensing transmission, and lots of people don't feel they sense transmission—

I remember one time I was talking to another teacher, in this kind of tradition, and I had just gotten back from a retreat with Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche. And I said something about the feeling of being in that teaching with him and the transmission.

And there was about 800 people there, in this teaching. And my friend said, "you're probably one of five people who actually felt that." So there's also this attitude that, if we're not feeling some big exciting bells and whistles, lights exploding kind of a thing, then we're not getting it.

And there's something wrong with us or there's something wrong with the teacher or whatever. If we have any subtle feeling of relaxation when we get into a situation like this, we should pay attention to it. Go into it. Feel it. Enjoy it. See if you can extend it, or agree to let it extend. [laughs]

Don't discount it. Start from where you are. And let that lead you and let that grow. And understand that, you already are that. With all the bells and whistles. And your job as a spiritual practitioner is to use the tools of the practice to destroy the impediments that you have to experiencing what you already are.

So transmission is happening everywhere all the time. What is being transmitted? The nature of the self. That's what's being transmitted. The nature of the self.

Every single phenomenon that we encounter is transmitting the nature of the self. Space itself is transmitting that. And we can experience that in many, many different ways.

We can experience it as a feeling of relaxation. We can experience it as a feeling of just being more at home and more at ease. We can experience it as, a feeling of returning to what we always knew was of value.

We can experience it as a recognition of something about ourselves that we had pushed aside. We can experience it as more sensation, like waves or, all other kinds of sensations.

But ultimately, we experience it as the pervasiveness of wisdom. So you've heard me talk about wisdom virtue, right? That's my coinage for what I have encountered in reality as what reality is made of, wisdom virtues.

Even though I use that phrase that isn't used elsewhere. All the traditions that I've studied in, all say that the ultimate realization is wisdom itself. So what I'm experiencing now as essence nature is intelligence and compassion and creativity and playfulness and curiosity.

I do still experience sensations, of receiving the vibratory aspects of reality. But earlier in my spiritual life, those used to be much more of a focus for me. Oh, I'm feeling something in my spine, or I'm feeling something on my head, or feeling something in my third eye, or I'm feeling waves of something or other.

But now I'm just— it's like as if Ma was really everywhere. And I'm just relating to that living intelligence everywhere. And the sensation part of it is minor. So we kind of go through these stages.

But recognize that, any feeling of relaxation when you're in a transmission setting. Any feeling of like, [big breath] I'm back somewhere that feels like home to me. Any feeling of remembering what's of value.

Sometimes people just remember themselves and burst into tears. Because they've forgotten them—they've walked away from themselves. Through no fault of their own, just through karmic patterning.

This feeling of a return to ourselves. That is transmission. And how should we relate to it? We should relate to it by staying with it. By exploring it. By letting it be. Letting it take over more, marinating in it somehow.

This is called samavesha, immersion. So we should agree to become more immersed in whatever we're experiencing. And don't discount anything. Don't have in your mind, whatever happens in an autobiography of a yogi.

Throw all that shit out. Just work with what is arising. And if you do, it will deepen and deepen and widen and widen over the years.

So there's a beautiful line of poetry in it, by Abhinavagupta that I've quoted so many times. And it's about transmission, which is really kripa, grace. Transmission is the experience of grace.

So Abhinavagupta writes, "Lord Shiva showers grace without any restraint. And thus there is always the presence of the supreme reality." So that transmission is happening all the time, everywhere.

And we're more or less like bottles with the caps still on. [laughs] We have to open up and empty out so that we can experience that. And this is also why I say spiritual practice is destructive, not constructive.

Because everything that we are is already there to be experienced, we just have to remove obstacles to that. That's the whole practice, is removing those obstacles. So don't cheat yourself by thinking that if it's not something grand, or loud, or intense, that you're not experiencing it.

STUDENT 2
It occurred to me, some of the first times that I felt transmission would be like after the fact. I noticed that mornings after I had been in satsang the night before, and I would do the nadi shodhana practice, it would feel different. There'd be a lot more ease to it.

SHAMBHAVI
Yes. That, and also when, for instance, if I'm teaching a practice and you're there receiving a practice, by and large, you'll have a special experience of that practice, when you're practicing with me.

And then people often say, this practice felt really special the first few times I did it after you taught it to me, but then it started to fade. But the thing is, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

The transmission is a beacon. The transmission is something for you to practice with. It's an aspect of your own existence, an aspect of your own being. It's always there.

It's just that once you get out of the situation with the teacher, the teaching scene, then other things take over and you get distracted. That's really all that's happening. It doesn't mean you failed or anything's wrong with you.

But the way to use the transmission is to remember it. Try to bring it back on. You already felt it. That means you already you have the capacity to feel it. And you can feel it again.

So we try to make our way back there over and over and over again. That's the whole point of it, is to serve as a beacon. And this is an absolute hallmark of what are called the direct realization traditions. Where you start with an experience of the result.

So when I'm giving you practices or just being in satsang with you, I'm not always consciously doing anything transmission-y, but sometimes I am. And certainly when we're doing certain kinds of practice or I'm chanting mantra with you, I'm doing specific things to, kind of include you in that experience.

And people will more or less notice that, or more or less feel that. But make no mistake, even though there's an alchemy that's happening with the teacher, if that's a good teacher for you, that is your capacity that's making that happen.

If someone doesn't have that capacity available to them yet because they've got too many obstacles, doesn't matter if they're in the presence of Buddha or Krishna. They're just not going to feel anything.

So it's really an alchemy of two. It's not just one person doing something to you. And if you feel anything, it means that you already have some obstacles removed. And it also means that you should be able to get back there.

And I like to compare it to cooking. I love to cook. And I've been cooking since I was a little girl. And sometimes I've cooked in restaurants, too. I've done it so much, that I have a very strong, internal, sensory experience of different foods and ingredients.

So when I'm cooking, I'm kind of precooking. And I can recall the taste of things and how different things are going to go together, just by recalling my experiences of cooking.

I don't know how many of you can relate to that. But for instance, if I'm planning a dinner—I'm one of those people that actually doesn't plan very much, I tend to just spontaneously make whatever. But I'll go to the supermarket and I'll kind of be cooking internally as I'm walking by different ingredients.

This is what you want to do with the transmission. Transmission's like an experience of eating a meal or of cooking. And then you want to be able to re-taste it, internally, even when the teacher is not around. So I don't know if that helps anybody, but might help a few of you who like to cook.

STUDENT 3
Um, this feels, this really hits home for me. I feel like a big dimension of my practice lately has been noticing how, and measuring how, good I'm doing in my practice, is actually the only obstacle.

SHAMBHAVI
Yeah, you have to throw out all measures. I always think it's funny when students say, they had a good practice or a bad practice. Or something big happened or nothing happened or, really, how would you know? [laughs]

I mean, the idea that we in our condition think that we have the measure, that we know the measure is laughable. It's just laughable. [laughs] It's not only that measuring is in our way, it's completely unreal.

And it's so full of hubris to think that in this vast immeasurable intelligence that we are immersed in, that we, these little specs on planet Earth, know what the measure is. You know, it's just laughable. [laughs]

But it's also true that when we continue to show up for our practice, even when we're tired. Or even when we're sick to a certain extent. Or even when we have a great deal of resistance we don't want to.

Or even when we're traveling. Or there's some obstacle in our road. The consistency of just showing up in all those different conditions gives us or brings to us more spiritual opportunity.

The wisdom will respond to us as we show up. And in a sense, when we show up only intermittently. Or when we let small obstacles get in our way. Or when we let our karma be in the driver's seat.

And we have all kinds of rationales. I can't practice today because I'm traveling. I can't practice today because I have a cold. I can't practice today because I have house guests. I can't practice today because I'm upset because somebody left me. I can't practice, on and on and on.

When we do that, we're basically having a conversation with wisdom. We're basically saying, This isn't that important to me. [laughs] And so wisdom is like, Okay. [laughs]

But when we show up, regardless, and even when we really don't want to, we just go, Okay, I'm just going to show up. Wisdom is like, Okay, I see that desire, and I'm going to respond to it in kind. So we literally get more opportunity by just showing up in all kinds of weather.

STUDENT 4
Lately, I've been thinking about dealing with bad people or situations of just being good. I always believe that I can always get through something or get through someone through just being good.

It's just it's tiring to keep doing that over and over. And lately, I just had something happen to me, and I almost gave up. And maybe I should be a horrible person then because I'm being nice and good to people. But I keep not getting nice things from others.

SHAMBHAVI
So there's a pretty big difference between nice and good. Niceness is conventional in the sense that our culture tells us what is nice behavior and what isn't nice behavior. So it's pretty culturally specific and historically specific, what's nice and what's not nice.

And especially if you're a woman, then you have even extra niceness rules piled on you. So there's forms of expression that are nice for men, but not nice for women. So there's all that impinging on you.

So goodness is actually what you are. Goodness doesn't look like anything in particular. It could look like anything. But goodness is that inner feeling of value, an inner feeling of sweetness.

An inner feeling of knowing you are good, knowing that you are good no matter what anybody thinks of you, or even no matter what you do. There's a indestructible sweetness or goodness that we can taste in ourselves.

That's what goodness is. And that's where goodness comes from, expressing ourselves externally. So try to think of being good instead of nice. And what this means is, first of all, you are going to have a sense of respect and value for your own goodness.

You're not going to let other people trample on that or disparage that. And then sometimes we get into a situation where we feel that goodness, but other people don't recognize it or don't even want it. So that's a situation where you have something to offer, but the other person doesn't want what you have to offer. I'm sure you know what I mean.

So in that situation, and in situations where we're not being treated well. What we have to discern, what we have to see is, is there any way here in this circumstance with this person for me to express my goodness?

And then is my goodness being respected or is it being noticed? And if the answer is no to either or both of those questions, then what the good thing to do is to leave.

So you don't need to do that in a mean way. You can just back away. [laughs] We don't have to make declarations about this. But your goodness, your sweetness is worth protecting.

It's the best thing about you. And it's out of that that you have things to offer other people. Real things, not just niceness. So I'm not saying you should be mean or not nice or anything like that.

Although sometimes when we do act in accordance with our sense of our own value and goodness and sweetness, other people do think we're being mean. Especially if we're women.

So if I'm a woman, which I happen to be in this lifetime, and I say to somebody, You are not treating me well. You haven't been treating me well for a long time.

I've tried to change the situation, but it hasn't changed. You don't seem interested in changing it. That's fine. But I don't want to be in this situation anymore. So I'm leaving.

And then if I'm a woman, very, very often someone will say, you're being so mean. [laughs] Or you're a bitch. Or whatever. So you have to recognize what's really going on.

You have an imperative to protect your own goodness and your own sweetness. So you should be good to yourself first. Because you have something very valuable and you should not let other people trample on it.

And don't worry about niceness. Don't worry about if someone says you're not being nice. Nine times out of 10, it's just an aspect of sexism. So you get to decide, is this situation one in which my goodness is being recognized and respected?

Is this one in which I can actually give what I have to give? Or not? And if it's not, then the mature and good thing to do, the dharmic thing to do, is to excuse yourself from that situation.

STUDENT 4
I'm going to try to do that.

SHAMBHAVI
Try it. And try to do it with making the least waves possible. You don't want to provoke any tigers that you don't need to provoke. So sometimes we do have to do something aggressive.

Every now and then, that's called for. But most of the time, we can just back away and slip off. [laughs] That's, again, about protecting ourselves. We don't have to fight every fight.

And it doesn't matter if someone understands what we're doing. We don't have to have everyone understand what we're doing. As long as you feel like it's right for you, who cares if someone else understands it?